Terrified. I mean, as the cast was being announced, I was like, “Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God.” I’m impressed by the breadth of their careers. I was very nervous showing up to a dinner the first weekend. I have social anxiety. I usually find a place where my back is near a wall and I can plant myself. I was watching them come in and tried to not be like, “Oh my God, that’s Parker Posey. That’s Walton Goggins. That’s Leslie Bibb. That’s Michelle Monaghan. That’s Carrie Coon.” By the end of dinner, Carrie comes up to me and says, “I’m so excited to meet you.” She was saying all the things I was thinking about her. She’s like, “We’re nervous to meet you. You are season one.” I was like, “I am season one.” It took me a second. So it was cool to be reminded of who I am through the eyes and the likes of fucking Carrie Coon and literally everyone I just mentioned.
It was really cool to be back as Belinda and be back in the world Mike created. It felt like home. It really did.
I heard the humidity in Thailand was truly something to behold.
Yeah, it was like MMA but acting. It was extreme sport. God bless Rebecca—Becks—our makeup artist, because every time she’d set our face, sweat would run down. But it bonds you together. We were like, “We have to get through this swampy take.” We were sticking ice packs everywhere. It was a fun time.
In addition to The White Lotus, you’re also adapting the viral TikTok series, Who the Fuck Did I Marry? What spoke to you about that? And when do you start?
Everything’s in a very nascent stage. There’s really nothing to report about the project itself. Her series was the most public expression of radical vulnerability I’d ever seen, and this experience [of making How to Die Alone was] radical vulnerability every day, every moment of doing my own show. So, game recognized game. I remember just seeing how raw and honest Tareasa ‘Reesa Teesa’ Johnson’s story was and how not just the story interested me, but her. She was more than her trauma.
I thought, if she resonates with the kind of storytelling that I do and wants to explore a partnership, then I want her to choose me. I didn’t want to fight for fighting’s sake, and I’m so grateful that she chose Big Hattie Productions to tell her story.
It takes a lot of energy to constantly put yourself out there and not know the outcome. Do you reward yourself for taking those chances, I hope?
My therapist actually said the same thing, so I treated myself to some jewelry. I’m not a jewelry girl, but I wanted to get me something that celebrated having done a scary thing. My therapist said, “There’s so much of this process that you don’t have control over, and nothing is promised.” I agree with that. And so, waiting for something bigger to reward myself…nothing’s gained by continually moving the finish line.
That really resonated with me, so I got a piece of jewelry that’s not ostentatious. It’s meant to symbolize that accomplishment. So, I am learning. The next thing would probably be a massage. It’s really difficult for me to do something that intentionally and to do something that doesn’t have a return on investment, like, “Oh, this will lead to that so it’s a prudent choice.” To do something just because I fucking want it.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
